Once a Missus – Now a Widow

Today is a heavy day. As I navigate the depths of grieving Eddie, I find myself searching for meaning in everything that has happened. Writing helps me process, but even when words fail me, I remind myself to let go and allow the emotions to come as they will. There’s no right way to feel—only the raw, unfiltered truth of what’s in my heart.

Every corner of my home carries Eddie’s presence, and every memory in my mind keeps him close. But alongside those reminders is the harsh reality that I am no longer Mrs. Eddie Fagan. Even the simplest forms I’ve had to fill out lately confront me with that truth. My eyes now go to that one box: widow. How? How is that real? I know widows exist in every age, every place, every part of the world, but the word feels foreign when applied to me. In my heart, in my mind, I am still Mrs. Lisa Fagan.

Yet life keeps handing me reminders that say otherwise.

This is a strange new world. Some days, I resist the reminders, pushing back against the reality they bring. Other days, I let them wash over me, sitting with the weight of it all. No matter how the days unfold, I’m doing my best to keep moving forward.

I will continue to share the story of how Eddie and I found each other and built a life together. It wasn’t perfect, but it was ours—exactly right in all the ways that mattered. And for those who saw us, who witnessed the love we had, they know just how real it was. That love doesn’t fade. It lives on in the telling of our story.