Dating at Fifty

(August 29, 2017)

First—yes, it’s just as daunting as it sounds. Single, back in the dating world, and absolutely not where I expected to be at 50. But here I am.

Second—it’s not as bad as I thought. In this season of singlehood, I’m learning a lot about myself, about what I truly want in a relationship—a healthy relationship. I have more clarity on what I’m able to give, what I need, and what I refuse to settle for.

I have no shame in admitting that I haven’t been lucky in love. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had fun—I’ve had great times in my dating life, and even moments of happiness in marriage. But I haven’t found The One.

• The One who sees me in the morning when my hair looks like Don King’s, yet still looks at me like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.
• The One who knows I can be impetuous at times but gently says, “Lisa, stop, think…”
• The One who sees my son as his own and understands the role he’ll play in shaping the man he’ll become.
• The One who sees every one of my flaws and still accepts and loves all of me.

I truly believe The One is out there. I’ve never felt like I’ll be alone forever, but I do believe that even at 50, there are lessons I need to learn before he arrives.

One of those lessons? Learning to be alone—really alone. Not just alone but constantly searching for someone or something outside myself to “complete me.” I’ve made some poor choices out of fear—fear that I’d always be alone, that I’d never find love again. I’ve settled at times because of that fear.

But for the first time in my life, I feel a growing sense of peace in being by myself. I’m not entirely there yet, but I’m also no longer frantically searching for someone to make me happy or someone to simply fill the space.

Don’t get me wrong—I want to find a good man to love, to build something meaningful with. But I’m letting go of the chase, trusting that when the time is right for both of us, The One will come.